You weren’t born ashamed of your body. You didn’t come into this world thinking pleasure was dirty or that your desires should be hidden. Those ideas were taught, and you can unlearn them.
The Shame Trap
For so many of us, especially women and queer folks, sexuality comes wrapped in layers of guilt, fear, or embarrassment. Maybe you were told not to touch yourself. Maybe no one ever talked about pleasure as something you’re allowed to want. Over time, those quiet messages become loud beliefs: “I shouldn’t enjoy this.” “I shouldn’t need this.” “I shouldn’t want more.”
But here’s the truth: pleasure is not something you need to earn. It’s not selfish. It’s not wrong. It’s human.
Your Body. Your Rules.
Exploring your body is one of the most intimate and empowering things you can do. Whether it’s through touch, fantasy, or toys, learning what feels good to you is not only okay, it’s essential.
If you’ve never used a sex toy before, it can feel intimidating. But remember: there’s no right or wrong way to explore. A small bullet vibe, a soft plug, or a gentle external toy like a wand can help you reconnect with yourself on your terms. No pressure. No performance. Just curiosity.
Start Slow, Stay Curious
If shame still whispers in your ear, start small. Light a candle. Take a bath. Touch yourself with intention, not goal. Use lube. Breathe. Let it be about feeling, not performing. Your pleasure doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
Why This Matters
Sexual shame doesn’t just live in the bedroom. It shows up in how we speak (or don’t speak) about our needs. In how we connect to others. In how we feel about ourselves. Releasing that shame is more than self-love, it’s self-liberation.
And you deserve that.